Thursday Rambles

First and foremost, the kids:  Girlchid is feeling better.  :-D She has a lot more energy and is no longer sleeping all day/night.  While her eyes are still bothering her some, her color is much better!   Boychild had his first PT session for his shoulder and said it wasn't as bad as he expected.   That made me happy.  I pray his shoulder gets back to 100%. 

I've decided I have to find a way to get back to school.  I have no idea how, but I have to do it.   I want to finish the degree I've already started for two reasons:  1.  I hate leaving things unfinished, it is completely against my nature and 2. It is my passion.  That being said, I have to be logical and switching to a 2 year program designed to lead to a job quickly makes a lot more sense.  I am considering the lab technician program.  Most of the classes I've taken will count towards this degree and I'd really only have to do a couple more electives and the specialized classes.  I've decided that even if I have to do it one class at a time, for now, that is what I have to do.  

My boss at job# 2 has told me more than once he wants me trained for my own store.  He says I am 100% capable of this but I am not sure this is what I want.   On one hand it sound wonderful but on the other -- I don't know.  For one thing, it would likely mean I'd have to move.  I am not willing to do that before GC graduates.  It is important to me that she finish school here, where she has gone her entire life.   It is also a high pressure job and even though he has confidence in me, I am not sure I have it in myself.  Yet.

That brings me to my next ramble.  Myself.  I've been doing a lot of thinking and I am not happy with my life.  YES, I am blessed.  YES, I give thanks to GOD for all he has blessed me with.  YES, I love my kids, family and friends with every fiber of my being, but I am not happy with my emotional side.  I have to make changes, I have to stop standing still and waiting on "stuff".  I have to decide what I deserve in life and I have to refuse to settle for less.  I have to, for the first time in my life, put me first.  That goes completely and utterly against my nature .... but I have to figure out a way.  Baby steps I guess?  I don't know.  I think, maybe, Step 1 is accepting that I deserve more than "I love you".  Words, real sentiment or not, mean nothing without actions to back them.