I hate being in an "UGH" mood and cannot seem to shake it

I feel like my mind is on overload.  Full of so much "stuff" that I actually almost feel dizzy from it.

I hate this feeling.  Hate it.  

I usually do a QOTD on my facebook/twitter pages.  Most of the time I search out based on a topic that is on my mind. Today's was faith.  This is the quote I used:  Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. D. Elton Trueblood and my heart tells me this is true.  That "trust without reservation" is true faith.   My head argues with my heart (all the time it seems) and a lot of time lately I feel very much alone. That's a crazy feeling because not only do I have God, I am blessed with a wonderful family and friends that are simply amazing.

There's just SO much in my head.  So many thoughts, doubts, fears and uncertainties that I allow myself to become overwhelmed with it.  I NEED to find my faith again.  The faith that is described ^ there in that quote.  

Yesterday my sister-in-law received her test results from one of her many tests of the last few days.  They've known for a few days now that she has cancer ... just didn't know what kind and what stage.  The news wasn't good.  Of course, "you have cancer"  is never GOOD but I think you know what I mean.  Aggressive and fast moving cancer that started in her ovaries and moved along a destructive path to her bones.  They've estimated she has a year.   My heart aches for them.  She's a strong woman, a fighter and I know she will fight this with every fiber of her being.  I think about her kids.  She has 3.  The oldest was in the police academy with my son and they both work for the same department and he will have his first child, a boy, in a couple of months. The youngest boy and middle child, graduated HS this past Friday night.  The day after his mom was hospitalized.  Her youngest, a girl, stays in my mind a lot.  Girls needs their mamas.  All kids do, of course, but little girls need their mamas.

I think about her husband.  He already watched his mama die of cancer, almost 3 yrs ago, now he has to watch his wife battle this?  Not only his mama, by the way, but his mama's parents (yes, both died of cancer, a year apart), her brother, and two of her sisters ...all died of cancer.  The three sisters all died within a couple years times span.  Hasn't cancer affected this family enough? 

I think about and worry about this situation with these young men on my road hiding in my yard at night, walking up and down the road ...... UGH.   School is out and my girl will be home alone a lot and I am at work but my MIND is at home wondering if they are IN MY YARD.   I have never been a person who was fearful like this and I do not like allowing myself to feel this way.

I think about and worry about her health.  I know and knew before her first appt that autoimmune diseases take a while to diagnosis and that finding a treatment plan can take even longer ... but seeing her feel so bad makes me sad.   Then my mind goes to my sister-in-law and I know how much worse it could be.  So I am grateful.  I really, really AM but I still feel that mama worry and concern about wanting answers and a plan for my child.

I think of my two kids and how many people in their dad's family have passed of cancer.  His mom, both of her parents, two of her sisters and her only brother.  That is a LOT of cancer in one family. Then there is my family.  Not as many, but the cancer is still there.  My mom's sister, K, is currently battling cancer for the second time (first breast and now colon). Another sister, S, died when she was 39 (of breast cancer, I was 20 and pg with boychild at the time).  Her mom had two sisters pass of cancer.  I look at all this cancer in our families -- my kids' dad and myself - and look at my kids and just think ... heck, I don't even know what I think.  It just overwhelms me.  This person is not me.  I am a positive person.  Always have been.  I LIKE being positive. 

Then of course there is still the limbo hell of my marriage/non-marriage that looms in my head always.  My heart aches for the man who changed so much when his mom died and every time I see a glimpse of him .... I dunno, sounds weird .... but it aches even more.

My brother -- ugh.  UGH UGH UGH is all I can say.  I am not an addict and I try really, really, REALLY hard to not be angry at him but I am.  I cannot understand why his addiction is more "important" to him that the safety and well being of his children.  The man their mom chooses to live with is emotionally abusive to them.  Their mama is neglectful.  I mean -- really -- how many UNTREATED injuries does the little one have to have before something really, really awful happens?

I know I have to trust that God has a hand in ALL of the above.  I know that he does. But I also know he gave us free will, and for that I AM thankful -- but that free will also comes at a price.  All of the people in most of the situations above .... have a "say" in the outcome, don't they? 

My mind; overloaded and overwhelmed.