Rambles

• Rambling today because I haven't posted in a while.
• I went on vacation to New Jersey with my sis to stay with a friend, we flew into Pennsylvania and made a day trip to NYC.  Pretty dang cool for SE GA girls to get go to "The City" ;-)
• We had an incredible time and found that NYC was NOT the least bit scary!  Well, except two things:  The taxi ride and how confusing the transportation is.  The first I'd NEVER get used to but I am sure I'd eventually "get" the transportation routes/locations.
• I love it "up north" ... the climate is awesome.  In the summer months anyway.  LOL
• I decided to try and transfer with my job a little further north and it wasn't until just a day or so ago I realized that wouldn't work for me.  I admit I was disappointed.  I work retail, in management, so that means that I have no choice but to work holidays. That is one of the biggest parts of the job ... and the days of and leading to said holidays are "blacked out" in time off requests.  I cannot ever put myself in a position that I won't see my kids on Christmas.  So, in SE GA I stay.  
• In "other" news:  he never did tell the truth.  I knew he wouldn't.  Knew that was a promise destined to be broken.  That doesn't mean it didn't hurt.  
• I wish I could hate him.  I think it would help us both.  I think it would help me "release" and it would help him stop running.  Hate is a different kind of emotion than pain.  He cannot deal with "pain" or "hurt".
• She told me if I had anything to get off my chest to do so, so I did.  I sent a very long email skimming over the last 3 years and explaining why I am where I am.   I skimmed for 2 reasons:  some things are too personal and it would have been a book had I gone there.  
• She didn't believe a word I said.  At first she was angry towards me but in the end she acted nice.  I knew it wasn't "real" (the niceness) but it helped end a conversation that probably never should have started to begin with, so I'm good with it. 
• I sent the email to him but he told me prior to that he wouldn't read it.  Yes, that made me angry.  He created this hell and thinks it is OK to simply ignore it and the pain he's caused.  Not cool.
• I saw this quote this morning:  

“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

Martin Luther King, Jr. It sums up how I feel to a T.  Well, not that I consider her or anyone an "enemy" but the "silence of our friends" part. That is what I cannot get him or her to understand.  THIS is what drives my pain, my hurt, my agony.  He was my friend for 28 years and is choosing to stand by in silence when 4 simple words could release me:  She told the truth. I cannot see how I will ever recover from that.    I go to the dr Monday for my test results.  I have only had a few "episodes" but they are still there.   My new college semester also starts on Monday.  First time I'll be going FULL-TIME while also working FULL-TIME.  Well, not really I guess - My first semester I went full-time and worked two part-time jobs. I am excited but scared.